Lab Files

Classified research reports, experimental documentation, and scientific madness.

CLASSIFIED

We Tested NEUROTOXX on a Bear

(He's Still Screaming)

Date: 05-13-2023
Subject: Ursus arctos [Adult Male]
Dosage: 2x Human Maximum

What happens when you give a 1,200-pound apex predator a neurological stimulant designed to push human capability beyond recognition? We found out, and the results were... unexpected.

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CLASSIFIED

How to Suppress Appetite

(With Sheer Will and Chemicals)

Date: 06-27-2023
Subjects: Human Volunteers [n=17]
Duration: 14 Days

Conventional appetite suppressants work by tricking your body. LIPOTOXX works by rewiring your relationship with food entirely. Our latest study reveals how test subjects began to view calories as enemies to be destroyed.

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CLASSIFIED

The Psychology of Alpha Status

(Testosterone and Territory)

Date: 07-08-2023
Subjects: Human Males [n=24]
Setting: Controlled Gym Environment

TESTOXX doesn't just enhance physical capability—it fundamentally alters social dynamics. Our latest research explores how TESTOXX users establish dominance hierarchies and why gym equipment suddenly becomes "personal territory."

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CLASSIFIED

Cognitive Enhancement Limitations

(When Your Brain Breaks Physics)

Date: 08-15-2023
Subjects: Human Volunteers [n=12]
Tests: Cognitive Battery

At certain dosages, NEUROTOXX users report experiencing time dilation and enhanced pattern recognition so extreme that they perceive "gaps in reality." This paper explores the neurological basis for these experiences.

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CLASSIFIED

Metabolic Optimization Protocol

(Burning Fat While Unconscious)

Date: 09-03-2023
Subjects: Human Volunteers [n=20]
Duration: 30 Days

New research on LIPOTOXX reveals that users continue to experience accelerated fat metabolism even during sleep cycles, with resting metabolic rates increasing by up to 300% during REM sleep phases.

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CLASSIFIED

Safety Protocols? We Don't Know Her

(Risk Assessment Report)

Date: 10-12-2023
Author: Dr. [REDACTED]
Status: Internal Only

A satirical overview of conventional laboratory safety protocols and why Toxic Labs chooses to ignore them. Includes our proprietary "Risk/Reward" calculation matrix and why we believe regulations stifle innovation.

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